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DILBs (Dudes I’d Like to be Bros with): NPH (Neil Patrick Harris)

Posted on by Joe McCaffrey
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MILFs get a lot of attention on the internet, DILFs are picking up steam with the silver fox movement, but DILBs are the wave of the future. DILBs are Dudes I’d Like to be Bros with (or Dudes I’d Like to Bro). I’ve previously covered why Bill Goldberg and Robocop would be good bros. In this post, I explain why I’d like to be bros with NPH.
- Brains & Health: Dude was like the youngest doctor of ALL TIME.
Hopefully some of his intelligence and know-how could rub off on me. C’mon Neil, #TeachMeHowToDoogie.  Since he played a doctor, he can use his medical wisdom to help me stay healthy by telling me to stop eating so much frickin’ Chef Boyardee.
- Musical Talent: He’s hosted the Tony Awards twice & he rocks the keyboard in this Continue reading →

#KidQuote Chronicles / @Joe_McCaffrey Collection

Posted on by Joe McCaffrey
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#KidQuote Chronicles / @Joe_McCaffrey Collection
I work with kids. Sometimes they say funny things. Sometimes I tweet those things. Here are some tweets from my private twitter account (before I took these #KidQuote offerings public).
”My aunt and my uncle have the same mustache” - #KidQuote
- Awesome.
”Mr. M this a gingehbwead man. He wih keel you wif a knife when you sweeping.” - #KidQuote
- To truly appreciate this one, you need to hear this kid’s Bulgarian accent.
“coommee onnn, Mr. M. Not be a silly a guy.” - #KidQuote
- Sometimes I’m a silly guy. Oh yeah, and most of them call me Mr. M because they can’t pronounce my name. Some of my favorite variations include Mr. McFairy and Mr. FurCaffrey.
”Why do you have dots all over your muscles?” - #KidQuote
- Some kids don’t know what freckles are, and they are there to spite curious children … and because I’m Irish.
”Hello. You look like a cowboy.” - #KidQuote
- I don’t remember why I might have looked like a cowboy. This must have been bring your chaps to work day.
”A box with a snowman go in a house and eat pizza” #KidQuote #1stGradeJoke
- This kid tells great jokes and they are even funnier when he says them in his Eastern-European accent.
”Ok I will tell a joke. A crayon is kicking a ball.” #KidQuote #1stGradeJoke
”A poop paint a paper” - #KidQuote #1stGradeJoke
”Mr. Tubby-Tubby, please use your manners and puke on (__)’s shirt” – 3rd Grade Girl speaking to her pencil eraser. #KidQuote
“Come on wif your hairy self” – 1st Grader 2 me today when he wanted me 2 start a race at recess. He was talking about my arms. #KidQuote
”I smell the dentist. He’s coming for me!” – 3rd Grader #KidQuote
Overheard a 1st grader ask a classmate ”How strong do you think your mom is?”. Awesome question to ask anyone. #KidQuote
A 1st grade girl just called me ”Mr. Mashed Potato”. I’m pretty sure she’s too young for that to be racist. #KidQuote
”What do you call a girl alligator? A GALigator” - #KidQuote #1stGradeJoke

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Curious Joe: If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Why?

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McCaffrey’s Musings: Cool Ranch Doritos

Posted on by Joe McCaffrey
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When I was a freshman in college (at Ball State University), I was in my dorm room eating Cool Ranch Doritos, when my roommate said …

Roommate: “Cool Ranch eh?” (with a questioning/judging look on his face)

Joe: “Yeah. Why?”

Roommate: “Well, this doesn’t apply to you, cuz you’re cool, but where I come from, people who eat Cool Ranch Doritos are a little (turns hand from side-to-side in the “iffy” hand motion).”

(Normally this could mean crazy, or weird, but because of his tone of voice and the part of the country he is from, I assumed he meant Continue reading →

McCaffrey’s Musings: How Are You SUPPOSED To Eat A Pita?

Posted on by Joe McCaffrey
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I was recently eating dinner with my mother, my stepdad, and my little brother at a restaurant.

I was going to play it safe and order one of my staples (a go-to, if you will), chicken fingers.

Then I thought, “hey, let’s get crazy”, and I ordered a chicken pita.

The pita was presented to me, all flattened out like an uncoiled taco shell. This had me dumbfounded.

I saw the chicken in the middle. I saw the blanket of pita it sat upon, but I did not know how to go about consuming this food in the most tasty & socially acceptable way.

Now I present to you, my inner monologue …

(Okay, do I eat this like a taco? No, that would be too Continue reading →

Ask Joe: “Why are straight men obsessed with anal?”

Posted on by Joe McCaffrey
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“Why are straight men obsessed with anal?” – Sindy Hardon

Well, a few things to tackle right off the bat. I think obsessed is a strong word, but I’ll ask my correspondents the question in the way you sent it to me. I’ve realized anal is also a strong word, for some reason I feel like it hits harder than buttsex (Haha, “hits harder than buttsex”. Sorry, I’ll turn my maturity on in a second, maybe.) I don’t feel like most straight guys are obsessed with anal, but a fair amount probably have been interested in it, wanted to try it, or enjoy having it as an menu item that can be ordered. In the past, with a question like this I would only send it out to my male correspondents, but this time I also asked my female correspondents why they THINK straight guys might be “obsessed with anal”. Let’s start with the female guesses and then we’ll move onto the male answers. Continue reading →